I've been working hard lately. And not feeling much return on my investment. A conversation with a friend reminded me of the balancing act of giving to others and self-care -- you can only give so much to others before your own self suffers. And then I realized my practices of centering prayer, journaling, walking labyrinths, singing, moving were less present lately.
Yikes! How did that happen?
Somewhere it seems my focus shifted to "I have to get this done!" It creeped in when the tasks were few and I was feeling confident and sure. And then behind the veil of certain confidence, the practices started to disappear. Like a land during a drought the faucet of rejuvenation had be turned off. Cracks appeared and thoughts started to worm their way into my brain. How did all this noise get in here? Where did all the lush calm mentalscape go?
I was able to turn on the faucet from time to time a bit this week. Watched a usually straight-laced guy boogie it down with Motown tunes yesterday and that brought a smile. I allowed myself to attend a folkdance and song group meeting tonight and gave myself permission to concentration my attention only on what was present in the room. I noticed my mind became more restful kindly gazing into the eyes of the other dancers, moving gracefully in time with the songs we sang. Reminds me of computers that need to be restarted from time to time.
Joy was returning, showing glimpses of her dazzling self.