Friday, September 17, 2010

Today's dam bursting line: do not be afraid...

Attended a Taize prayer service out at the St. Paul Monastery in Maplewood which the Benedictine sisters do monthly on the third Friday.  I was late trying to wrap up some work before I'm in class all weekend and feeling a bit anxious about the roller coaster of life I've been travelling on lately. 

I walked in during the reading, one of my favorites, from 1 Corinthians 13.  You know the one ... read at weddings a lot ... the one that ends with "and the greatest of these is LOVE."  It seemed especially prayerful, especially holy tonight and I felt buoyed by all who were there.  Like every one of these persons knew intimately, or were striving to know and practice the unconditional agape love Paul is writing about.  A safe place where all were accepted. 

We ended with three chants and during the second one is when it happened. 
"In the Lord I'll be ever thankful, in the Lord I will rejoice!
Look to God, do not be afraid.
Life up your voices, the Lord is near ..."
It was probably the fourth or fifth time, I don't know I wasn't counting, that I realized which words I was just saying and which words I meant.  I got to "do not be afraid" and the dam burst.  Tears started streaming down my face.  In that moment I realized how much I was embodying the opposite.  Acknowledging the fear, I couldn't hold it anymore and it flooded the plains and found its way into the valleys and river deltas.  Releasing the fear, I was able to be at peace. 

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